Ryu: (voiced by Chris Antista)
Here we are, again my friend It's time for chi and for Zen Like Samurai Jack, I'm back wearing a gi My dong hangs loose so my trash blows free
Wait in line, put your quarter on the glass I'll go alpha style on your honky ass Nice hair! Be prepared for a seven course meal:
My hurricane kick and my roundhouse heel
Oh did you jump? Ha-ha - wrong move *SHORYUKEN!* You snooze, you lose
Cause my shits' Asian, the Japanese 8 mile Unlike you like you with your cracker-fu style Look at me, can't you see I'm a Japanese Adonis? You drive a Porsche and listen to Alice in Chains, be prepared for the pain!
You're on the left with the broken joystick, So I'll win anyway, but just for kicks: Here's a quarter, try not to wheeze This fight is over, next please
Ken: (Voiced by Garett )
(Music switches here to a remix of SF2 Ken stage)
I face you now as my brother, my friend My first name is Kenneth, but I go by Ken Don't call me Kenny, or I will get annoyed Anyone who opposes me will be destroyed
It's time to bring the pain on the spot, flame tapped on Pouring champagne on my yacht named Capcom I got shins that win and pythons for ammunition
Fuck air combos - I'm goin' Championship Edition
Im gonna squirrel ya mess, just like your Mom All you are at best is a Japanese Uncle Tom The number two stunner's my nuts ; I'm number one How 'bout some lunch? Here's a dragon punch, hit the guns
I'll mess you up, I'll give you SARS My right nut's from Venus and my left's from Mars I switch my Hadokens from weak to strong ;like a bong Sakura smoked my ten-foot schlong
Dude, are you on 'roids? Christ! You're Japanese Sit back and have a taste of deez
Ryu : (music switches back to Ryu stage music)
Let me mediatate at the Buddha shrine While I ponder the insanity of your rhyme
I eat RICE!!!
Best believe it's not sticky I might be noble but I am still tricky These hadoken-kick combos try to defend I'm a win, don't block or you're losing your shins
I'm schooled since day one You're just a pretender My combos are ill And soon they will render you unconscious or dead or screamin for our master
My moves are still quicker, my rhymes still faster Go take a seat 'cause school is in session ; This ball of Chi - it's your frisbee Start fetchin'
Your moves are EX, Your style's from the movie I'm rockin' SF3 when I'm at least 30
The 80's is over, big hair is out When I went to Bang-Kok I came down with the gout
Damn you Sagat! You got me in the end But I'll scar your chest Just like I did his
Ken: (music switch)
ZZZZZZ.... Are your rhymes done? I'll stop sippin' my frappachino Eatin' my cinnabon
My hair's like Rapunzel, I just let that mess down And then I french braid it cause it is my round
I travel around the world from LA to Taiwan I eat my salads with garlic croutons My frequent flyer miles are intense like a strong punch
When the fight is over - we'll do lunch
So I can remind you of the master's DREAM Rose*(11) liked it when my dick stretched like Dhalsim I took T.Hawk's land and ganked Neo's cassock Only 20 seconds left - time for something drastic
Here's a jump strong punch special technique ; "AROOOOO!!!!"
- Thats a Brazillian shriek
OHH!!! The winner is Ken! See you tommorow when we'll do this again
Announcer: (Voiced by Antista): Sweet blessed redeemer of all that is holy! Kenneth Masters is the winner. The next round will be provided by the scratching of the vinyl. So let us commence the ripping of the vinyls
Ken: Yo Dee-Jay, pass me my twelves!
Ryu: Yo Duck-King*(12a), bring me the ones and twos ; Let the Evil awaken (Ryu's voice distorts as he changes to Evil Ryu*(17)
(Wiki-wiki-scratch part, mixing of SF sound effects and Keanu Reeves movies etc)
Annonuncer: As the winter solstice gives way to the vernal equinox, so once again, the victor is Ken A wise man once said the turn tables do in fact woble, but contrary to popular belief, they do not always fall down
(Music resumes to Ryu stage music)
Ryu: I put a crater in you and I call it Helm's Deep Here's a front kick (HA!) while I vertical leap
Ken: I'll make you spit sushi sukayaki You'll chew dirt just like an Iraqi
Ryu: My speed is unrivaled My power everlasting For a b-movie you'd be in line for the casting
Ken: I'm so fresh like Rolento's beret Let me say it so you understand : Ixsay!
Ryu: I'll hit you so hard, I'll make your penis turn left I'll flatten your grin and make your chin have a cleft
Ken: You're like Applebee's - your menu is shitty Was that a block, or your Momma's titty?
Ryu: I took out Bison, extinguished Vega Gave beef to Zangief, wrecked Blanka's bodega
Ken: I opened up your duffle bag, took a piss all in it, Gonna take you for a ride, just like your linen
Ryu: You're nothing but Dan without the pink, but you're still a flamer 'cause your cock doth stink
Ken: Now here's a strong punch now lemme unwind Just like I donkey-punched Chun-li's behind
Ryu: Don't make me go evil, you wouldn't like me when I'm mad This round is lasting longer than Homer's "Illiad"
Ken: Look at my hair - its not cut, its styled Your punch is like my ulcer - it's only mild
Ryu: I'll drop bombs like Star Trek: Nemesis
Ken: I'm on the Dreamcast and you're on the Genesis
Chris' favorite line ever: "Sipping champagne on a yacht named Capcom." Chris Antista said this line in Episode 4.