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Chris Antista

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Chris Antista

Born

  • March 19, 1980
  • Florida

Occupation

Former GamesRadar Editor

Capcom Unity

Race

Pizza

Spouse

Like his Whiskey, 12 years old and mixed with Coke

Dreams

Owning a pizza parlor

Chris ANtista smells pizza
Proof of Antista smelling like Pizza
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How Antista came to this earth
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Faces of Antista
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Considered the father of the TalkRadar podcast, Christopher "Cum Catcher" Antista has appeared in more TalkRadar episodes than any other host. He has been known to state: "There are [only] three things I love in this world: Drinking, games, and vaginas."

He has been known to enjoy porn in which pregnant porn stars fellate the tongue of another female porn star.

Currently holds the "Rape Record" for saying "Rape" 24 times in a single episode: Episode 154.

History

Growing up, Chris was gay until he was 5 years old. He has been on record saying that he liked how Trapper Keepers tied other boy's asses together.

At the age of 15, he shoplifted a copy of Donkey Kong Country 3 from a Wal-Mart (TalkRadar 19) which resulted in Chris being beaten and raped by cops with nightsticks and maced in the face and hands. When he wasn't shoplifting, he could be found fapping loudly in his "special chair." In one instance, he had forgotten that his mom and grandpa were on the phone with him, and they heard the whole thing.

In college, Chris Antista was a Chinese food delivery boy. During this time he witnessed a dog shit on its own (remarkably huge) balls, and had a knife pulled on him by an angry customer in a dispute over twenty cents while delivering food. Although he had some tough times, he also has called the events of 9/11 "the greatest get out of school and work excuse ever" in TalkRadar 27, and also used the event to make the incredibly tasteless, yet hilarious, joke "Terrorists, WIN" using Counter Strike sounds.

Many of his psychological problems root from when he was "a little shit", as his father used to drink too much and his mother was very, very promiscuous. This is why Mr. Antista drinks all the time and is willing to put out for anybody who asks.

Chris is well known for his role as Carolyn Gudmundson in the hit Podcast Pokemon Monday.

In Episode 183, Chris announced that he was leaving his Talkradar Dynasty behind him, determined to run away to PC Gamer. Much to the dismay of Mikel, Chris revealed his motivation for leaving was to be with his one true love, Tyler Wilde. After a brief stint, though, Chris realised his true calling and followed in Brett Elston's footsteps to work at Capcom as Senior Sellout.

However it was revealed that Chris was went undercover to relize a dream revealed on TalkRadar 45, to get an HD remake of the NES classic DuckTales. In just 5 months at Capcom, Chris Antista made the entire Duck Tales game himself, said on the show floor at PAX East 2013. A Little Nemo game will soon follow after he gets reminded of it.

Life Stories

His life stories include the time when he pissed on his shirts, drawers, and bowls when he was drunk (which according to him, may have happened up to three times). He then proceeded to wear one of the piss-stained shirts to work the very next day (TalkRadar 1).

In TalkRadar 38, Chris Antista tells a story about when he, significantly drunk after watching The Goonies after midnight, was walking through the Castro district in San Francisco and was molested by a European man that sounded very much like Niko Bellic.

Despite liking to brag about his shitting, burping and fart exploits, he is shy about taking massive dumps in public restrooms when people are around ("shit-shy") (TalkRadar 21), and possessed shit-mittens (or Shittens) for a short period of time.

Chris Antista has fart stories that are second to none. His feats include playing wacky sound effects, farting in front of a pregnant woman, and popping an Auschwitz, which involves multiple farts while exiting an elevator and hotboxing at least two people.

Chris believes that Kirby of the popular Nintendo franchise is a "walking boner".

He also has a boner for Mickey Mouse, as evidenced by him giving Epic Mickey a 9, and writing the entire review with his penis.

Facts

  • Chris is often described as smelling like pizza by those around him, and the phrase "Chris Antista, smells like pizza" is often used to describe his distinct smell. However, he smells of alcohol and cigarettes.
  • Unlike other people at work, more than 75% of his co-workers (and also Twitter followers) have seen his hairy balls and dick at least once.
  • Chris Antista is not allowed to vote (TalkRadar 3), although he claims he barely touched the kid.
  • Chris Antista, while being a significantly flawed human being, has his moments. His split personalities include the glass-pants-wearing Duke Lombardi, wrestler extraordinaire Bonsoir, The Norwegian King Of Names, and most recently, Alf Pacino. Also, he is the official GamesRadar champion of Dick Jenga.
  • Due to Chris' delusion that he can give zombies concussions, GamesRadar has assigned Chris to the official "live bait" position in the event of a zombie outbreak.
  • He wears glasses, but usually takes them off/wears contact lens when posing for pictures. This may be to showcase his impeccably long and wide nose, which extends from his face a good 2-3 inches.
  • He describes himself as an "ass man", saying that he could easily make the switch to men.
  • Because he can't shave his chest, he lights his chest hair on fire due to narcassism.
  • Keeps a model Tom Servo in his garage, although some believe that since Mystery Science Theater was cancelled, this is the actual Tom Servo who now lives with Chris Antista and helped in the building of the 'BretBot'
  • Chris has been fist fucked every time he has entered a airport.
  • He currently hosts Lasertime

Other Podcast appearances

  • KOXM
  • @Gamer
  • PCN-Gen episode 50
  • GNA FM 2
  • Front Towards Gamer Radio Episode 25
  • PC Gamer Podcast
  • Lasertime
  • VGMpire

Twitter: @CAntista

Cantista
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Hosts of TalkRadar
Chris AntistaBrett ElstonMikel ReparazTyler WildeCharlie BarrattHenry GilbertLizzie CuevasTyler Nagata

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